My Empire of Dirt

Can’t get Johnny Cash out of my head. “I hurt myself today… you can have it all…my empire of dirt…” from the song Hurt. I remember the first time I heard that song I went “holy crap that’s amazing.” It’s not a sad song for me, it’s an expression. Like many, I get it. I so fucking get it. Got one of my old faithful albums on the headphones as the pool area fills up with little people having a whale of a time.
As I waded out into the water first thing this morning, I was singing with Johnny and as my eyes became level with the sea and my scope was uninterrupted by wave or wind I thought. Really – an empire of dirt – really Michael? I couldn’t get a wee poem what I wrote in 2011 out of my head. I thought ‘fuck it’ there are two things I have to do to put myself right again. One is to stop beating myself up and feeling like shit all the time. It is understandable under the circumstances but it’s time to get busy with achieving again. My Dad was pretty clear when he spoke to me about the recent death of Tom his dear friend and colleague. “It’s sad, it hurts like hell. But, it’s how you accept it is the mark of who you are.” So, for one of the few times in my life I’m going to listen to the aul fella and take a leaf out of his book in relation to himself.
Second, I’m going to do nothing but focus on my Master’s when I get back. At this moment in time this is my goal and I hope it’ll fill the hole inside me.

The Power of the Pen
By Michael Irwin 2011,

Pummel me, pummel me
You’ll leave yourself broken,
You can try if you like,
My pain just a token.

I know you don’t mean it,
Your words so terse,
Swatting your insult,
Me calling a hearse.

Year after year
I’ve flitted about,
Never stopped wondering,
The cause of my doubt.

To know you, to know you –
Ah – that comes at price,
The shrinks give you answers,
But they’re never concise.

Yet time after time
The final goodbye,
Over and over,
Give in and lie.

My life, my life
How it is changed,
Living with silence,
No longer deranged.

False hopes, false highs,
Have been so many,
I pick out the best ones,
The truth hardly any.

So quiet so quiet
The tunes in my head,
Moments of hope,
Not wishing to be dead

At last at last
Conversation an ease,
Nearly two hours,
Crackin the breeze.

Distance the distance
In mind and body,
Stick an stone,
No more folly.

Feelings these feelings,
Clearer more true,
Fate – Love decided,
Through and through

I hope I hope
Will make you wonder,
Is this about me,
Or some other blunder.

Wonder a wonder,
Sense of relief,
Tell me a story
Joker or Thief.

Enjoy oh enjoy
The power of the pen,
A beautiful thing,
To make better again.