The Rock

The Rock
(HMP Magilligan. May 2011)
I am ‘Magic FM,’
‘Coors’ and ‘Adele’,
I am the pin drop of my cell
I am a rock, cape of horn, good hope,
I am the southeaster, tempest,
a sea’s boiling hell
I am the hubcap
left at the roundabout,
I am a comb without teeth,
The boat without a bottom
I am a single barrel come-about
In the ebb after the wreck,
I am driftwood bleached
as bone in the desert
I am lost on a beach
in Mozambique like Wilbur Smith
I am less than grains of sand
or stars
I am a child, the inner glow
and sunset becalmed
I am lost, momentarily there
I am calm, lapping on golden shore,
without malice
I am ‘Smokey’ singing, London,
ships in the night, ‘the Paddys,’
‘Alice, Alice, who the Fuck is Alice?’
I am flotsam and jetsam, I care not a jot
I am the breeze when you’re not there,
I am time that heals all
or stares and stares,
I am tide turning eternally,
and I’d share.

My heads in a thousand different places this morning mostly revolving round hospitals and lack of funding. I’m going to the Hospital later for a Barium swallow. At least i’ll get to swallow something – bloomin starvin and thirsty and in this frigin glorious weather. i’ll be guzzling as soon as i get out. My friend has had a heart attack at 51.  He’s one of the most gifted and best guitarists in the world and i hope this will be a wee wake up call for him. It’s sad and it hurts and one is left feeling impotent as at the end of the day what can you do? So, my poem is for Speedo and anyone else who feels their world is shattered.  Just remember every single thing in life is only ever temporary, nothing is permanent, we are continually changing and evolving. Be 100%, live in the moment but don’t blow your head off in the process.

And so to funding or more the lack of it. I posted a comment in ‘Inside Time’ in reply to a guy who’s struggling with OU in prison. I was warned that this struggle does not stop when one walks out the gate (or in my case driven) so i passed this phenomenology on. In my last month, because i’d completed my OU degree I was unsurprisingly considered to be a bit of positive news for those higher ups who might want to attach themselves to such things, I met two MLA’s (Norn Iron Ministers).  I couldn’t resist letting them know my future succes depended on the ole wonga. They both, at separate times told me there was plenty of funding out there from Government. Told them i’d let them know how I got on. I’ll be popping into one of their offices later; after my hospital appointment.  Every person I have met ‘after’ prison who is involved with Academia be it lecturer or finance have all said the same thing “there is little or nothing in the way of funding for a Master’s.”

The comments from the top UK charity are extremely encouraging for my future but my problem is i respect the difficulties they have with selecting needy ex-cons for funding but i can’t get to my future without the present. I’m extremely lucky to have a friend who works for the students union finance and we both trawled the Government websites Nicht, Nadda,not a fekin jot. Not for this fella anyway. There is stuff their but it doesn’t fit my Leper status.  So the battle continues and as me ole Gran used to say “it’s one of life’s little hurdles. You just gotta get over it.”

I’m not bitter or twisted or anything like that. Just upset that there is so much Politique about this great rehabilitation revolution via education by the Government but in my case it seems to be only words. A fellow academic lecturer (not student) told me “welcome to the business of rejection.”  I laughed my head off and wee penny dropped – thank you HMP for giving me six years of rejection based duty of care and professionalism in order to prepare me for the world of academia. Again, i find myself questioning Marteson’s “nothing works ” declaration. Prison does work, any normal person would be in bits or madness or even suicidal at this level of rejection but one? One is as cool as the breeze but watch out i might come breezing through your door looking for some answers.

Prison does work, but in a reverse psychology sort of away and for all the wrong reasons. Rehabilitation revolution via education? Wind your fekin neck in!

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About micsirwin

I'm a Postgraduate student at Queens studying Criminology, writer, poet and lover of integrity, dignity, respect and morality
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